So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
