this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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