she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
