ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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