they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I just shit out all my problems.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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