meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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