She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
