I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
