people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
In America we eat man semen.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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