I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
