Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
