I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
