...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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