Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
