Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
