so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
