Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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