9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
