Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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