Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
