It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
