He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
