Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
