So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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