oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
