I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
