I wish I could teleport
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
