If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
