i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
