I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
