Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
