then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
