Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
