Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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