He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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