Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
