I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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