If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
