Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
