Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Say something about gay babies.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
