im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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