Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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