We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
