i think my tv is drunk
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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