In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
