Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
