I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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