This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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