K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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