I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
