do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
